a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
