Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
