Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
