please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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