she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is Oprah even human
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
