i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
