My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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