And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
