So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
