It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
