yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
