the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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