so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
