Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
