i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
