Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
