Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
