What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
