OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
