you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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