He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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