He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
