Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
