Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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