the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
