remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
