Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
