that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
