i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
