I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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