walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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