we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
