My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
