It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
