Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
