The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
