Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
