just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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