He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
