remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
