Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
