FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
