I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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