you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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