"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
