you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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