I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
