i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
