i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
