I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
