Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
