If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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