I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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