worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
