She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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