I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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