I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
