Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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