So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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