that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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