Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
