they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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